2013 - bring it on.

I have a feeling that 2013 is going to be a big year filled with growth and changes.

How do I know this? The other day, I flipped through old journals from 2-3 years ago. I wrote them before I gave in to what I wanted and left my stable job to move to MN for a yearlong volunteer program. I hardly recognized that person. I didn't think I was afraid of anything, but I now realize that I was afraid of the power of my own thoughts. I've always known that I wanted to work "with people" (a life of service), but I was afraid to take the initial leap to do that. in 2010, I took that leap and look where I am now. Two years of volunteer service later and I'm working in refugee resettlement.

I know that this is going to be an amazing year because I know how much I've changed in the last 2-3 years. In MN, I began to change as I was finally out of the area and grasp of my family. I was finally living my own life. I haven't looked back since. Last year (or, rather the end of 2011), I took the leap and moved to the Villa where I worked on a farm (!), with retired sisters, and at a Catholic worker. I learned about spirituality and prayer and, holy crap did I grow. At one point, I wondered out loud, "When did I become this person?" For the record, I don't know the answer to that.

I see the changes when I go back to my family's house and become anxious at that lifestyle. It's not how I live anymore and, while it's nice to visit, it's not what I want for myself. I see the changes when I explain my job or why I'm involved in anti-human trafficking campaigns or Young Adult involvement in the Catholic Church. I see the changes when I try to return to the person that I was and I can't.

I know who I am now. I know what I want and how I want to live my life. 2013 will be a good year because I will keep learning, leaning into who I've become, and going where I know that I'm heading.

all in a year or two

 

 

 

 

written in June 2008 - not long after I graduated from WC

I spent a good part of college worrying that I was going to miss my calling. The term "calling" was new to me. My Presbyterian friends talked about calling and predestination and wondered why I didn't know my calling. Sure, I went into college thinking that I was going to teach high school English. I toyed with the idea of going into Teach for America. By the time I began my sophomore year, I had a sicking feeling that I didn't want to teach. Nonetheless, I completed the mandatory 2 week field experience over Winter Break. I hated it. I finally found the courage to drop secondary education and eventually broke the news to my family.

I spent the rest of college trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life. I tried journalism and wrote for the school paper. That was ok, but not how I wanted to spend my life. When people asked me what I wanted to do, I could only say, "I want to work with people." I carried that with me as I found a job working in a development office. (Not a fan of the work, but I loved where I was working). Somewhere, I found the courage that I wanted and took off for a year long volunteer program in Minnesota. I spent the year living in community and working with a refugee resettlement program. I found a job that I loved.

I took off for Minnesota on August 21, 2010, and I haven't looked back. A year ago, I began a year of learning and working on a farm and at a Catholic Worker House. I traveled into the complete unknown world of farm work for four months and relished the time I spent working outdoors. As the program ended, I wasn't sure what direction I wanted to head. In July, I packed up and moved to Cleveland without a clear plan. In a week, I'll start a position with a refugee resettlement agency. I'll be going back to a field that I love. I wish I could tell my recently graduated self to trust her instincts, be ok with doing something different, and not to stress out so much.

in a week or so...

...we'll be working in close proximity to one another.

9th floor, guthrie theater

Home for the next 10 months

Mississippi River by the campus of St. Cloud State University.

This Mississippi River is about a 10 minute walk from my house in St. Cloud - my new home - where I'm spending the next 10 months engaged in a volunteer program.