Friday, March 15, 2013

the one year itch

A friend called me last weekend and said "I'm restless." I knew exactly what she meant. I was driving home on a Saturday evening from a home visit and a long day of work. Restless. Knowing that something needs to change, but not being able to figure out what it is.

I'm no stranger to this feeling. It's taken me from my family home to MN to the Villa. And, now, it's back. I thought I was finished with the one year plan. One year in MN. One year at the Villa. March is usually the month when I begin looking for a new job, a new program. But, this year, I'm settling into a normal life. My life isn't dictated by the end of a program in July. Even so, I still find myself quickly looking up things that will change my "current life." Quickly as in "if I don't look at this webpage for a long time, then nothing will need to change." I tell everyone that I don't want to uproot myself for at least a year because I'm tired of living my life in one year increments, but I feel like it's time to change something up. I don't know what that will be. I don't want to change jobs. I don't want to change living arrangements.

But, I feel the need for change. I feel like I am somehow settling and I don't like that feeling. I don't know what I am settling with or if I'm settling with everything...or nothing at all.